Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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