I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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