can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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