just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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