I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
