she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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