everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
