I puked a lego.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
