Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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