we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
