I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize