Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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