Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
