i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
