distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
