you have to choose: penises or morals?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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