how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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