Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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