I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
