He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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