oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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