Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
