Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
