I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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