I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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