Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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