i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
