After last night, I could never be a politician.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
