it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am available for nakedness
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
