i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
