What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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