waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
