He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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