i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
