they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
