In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
