Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
