i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
