Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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