Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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