that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
