Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
