Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
