It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
