Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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