and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
