dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
