he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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