i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
