My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
