I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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