I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
