I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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