the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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