It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
