Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
