i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
