Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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