I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
