You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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