i permit you to call me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
