I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hippo gnu deer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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