theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize