my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
