Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We don't watch enough power rangers
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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