so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
