Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
