It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
