We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
