I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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