I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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