He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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