were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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