She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
