what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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