i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
