oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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