there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
