I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
