kristin has been a bad kristin
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
